Get To The Movie Early, Moron!

So you're aching to go see the new movie coming out this weekend. It's being hyped to high heaven and commercials are everywhere. The movie itself may deal with Jedi, superheroes, Hobbits, Boy Wizards or girly-man vampires and everyone you know wants to see this flick.

Okay, you think to yourself, I'm gonna check this bad boy out! You grab a group of friends, maybe six or so, and on opening night, you are more than ready. You check the listings online to confirm that it's a 7:30 showing and at 6:50 you leave, knowing you have plenty of time. Heck, it only takes five measly minutes to even get to the Bijou. Goodness, your stomach is rumbling and your friends agree that a run to the Border is in order.

Chowing down your chalupas and gorditas, you make it to the theater two minutes before showtime. Perfect timing! Ooh, ooh and bonus! You don't have to suffer through the annoying advertisements the theater insists on forcing down your throats. Its movie time, baby!

Then you step into the auditorium right before the lights go down and you are shocked, absolutely stunned. The place is packed. Oh... my.... GOD! And the only six seats you can find together are on the front row. The neck breaker section. But you don't give up, not right away. The theater darkens and you audibly grumble as you go up and down the aisles, attempting to find something. You can't even find two seats together. You and your posse head up to the front, pissing  and moaning the whole way. Unbelievable! No seats! What kind of place is this!

From my seat, I roll my eyes as I watch you trudge to the worst seats in the house. I shake my head at your pitiful grumbling. That's right, I shake my head and I don't pity you. I'm sitting in a great seat because I actually had enough presence of mind to get there 20 or 30 minutes early for the opening weekend of a high profile movie, you idiot. You get there that late, you lose your right to grumble, so sit down and be quiet so I can enjoy the show.

Enjoy that well deserved crick in your neck.