Sunday, July 12, 2009

10 Good Guys You Do Not Wanna Mess With

Here is a list of 10 characters I wouldn't wanna get on the bad side of. These are good guys. .

10. The Bride (Kill Bill): Never, never, NEVER tick off a woman. Especially one trained in the most ancient of martial arts and spends more time with her sword than actual humans. You could send 20 well trained ninjas at her and in five minutes limbs, eyeballs and buckets of blood would be flying everywhere and she would still be standing there staring at you even MORE pissed off. Several people have done evil things to her. They all have one thing in common: their body parts are scattered to the four winds.

Do you really wanna go out with her?


9. Sayid (Lost): Would you like to be tied to a tree and have your toenails ripped off? Then I would suggest not getting on the bad side of our man Sayid. In fact, if he wants info from you, I would highly recommend you just be up front with him. Because, unless you are a creepy balloon guy, you WILL end up talking to him. All he needs is a screwdriver and some pepper juice and you'll be trusting him with your deepest, darkest secrets.

Will gladly shatter your thumb with a coconut after morning coffee.

8. John Rambo (Rambo): I should have to say no more. Bad guys just read his name on report and melt with fear. Once, a Russian General refused to leave his house because someone told him that Rambo was in the next town carrying his bow and arrow and everyone knows that Rambo could put the eye out of a gnat at that range. Bad guys are rightly frightened to wander out into the jungle for fear that Rambo could leap out of a puddle of mud and decapitate them with that 10 foot knife of his.

Make fun of my age and I'll give you a war you won't believe.

7. Wolverine (X-Men): He's got a temper and indestructible claws come out of his hands. Who would wanna mess with that? And to add to that, if you hurt him, he heals right up. That leaves you with a pissed off killing machine that you really can't harm. I would wager that if you were a bad guy and you woke up in the middle of the night to find that muttonchop framed face grinning down at you, you would need to change your underwear.

He even sleeps in a bad mood.

6. Superman (Superman): He doesn't have much of a mean streak, but you should fear someone who could knock you to Pluto with a flick from his pinky. I myself would be scared to face a dude who has bullets bounce of his EYEBALL. Unless I had Kryptonite, of course, but we all know how rare that precious stone is (Unless you live in the town of Smallville, apparently). Just refrain from harming his girlfriend, Lois Lane. He has been known to reverse time by spinning the world backwards and a guy who can do that you should never piss off.

I love America. Oh, and apple pie!

5. Anyone Played By Samuel L. Jackson: The steel in his eyes. The righteous furor in his speeches. If you were to look the wrong way at any character played by the great Sam Jackson, he would likely call you a MF and shoot you between the eyes, then continue on his way with one arm around the shoulder of his lady friend. He can do it all: Philosophizing hit man, Jedi Master, bad to the bone private detective; he's the only man to go to if you find your flight infested by bloodthirsty snakes. And if you're the bad guy responsible for putting those reptiles on the plane, don't be surprised if you find yourself hanging out the window of the plane with a snake as your noose as Sam Jackson kung fu's the rest of the snakes off the plane.

Don't matter what movie I'm in, I will *blank* you up!

4. Martin Riggs (Lethal Weapon series): This guy is simply insane. What normal person would talk a guy out of jumping off a building by handcuffing himself to that person then jumping himself with the guy in tow? No sane person I know of, but for Riggs, it's a normal day at the office. This guy is willing to dislocate his shoulder just to make a few bucks off his buddy cops and then laugh about it. All in all, not a guy you would wanna make your enemy, but if you ever need a friend who'll sit with you while you're on the pot with a bomb ready to go off the moment you flush, you'll find no better.

Wanna go bowling?

3. Aragorn (Lord of the Rings): Don't be fooled by his calm exterior and polite manners, this guy is quite capable of tearing your face off if he felt the need. Sure, until he was crowned, he was content to play second fiddle to Gandalf, but once it was time to go into battle and kick butt, he turned it on. Watch out if you happen to be an orc who's foolish enough to challenge Aragorn (aka Strider), you may find yourself standing in a pool of your own blood as your head rolls down a hill knocking other useless orcs down like mere bowling pins.

Some of my best friends are Hobbits. What of it?

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi (The Star Wars Saga): Jedi Knight who is fond of throwing down wise sayings as if they come second nature to him. Listen closely to these catchphrases, you may be able to unlock the secrets of whuppin' butt. This is a guy who will chop his buddy's legs off and let him take a lava bath for something simple as turning absolutely evil. He chopped another Sith Lord COMPLETELY IN HALF and is on record as having chopped at least too low-lives' arms off. Bottom line, mess with Obi-Wan Kenobi and you will likely end up dismembered in some painful way.

This geek put me in a top 10 list. Most charming.

1. Jack Bauer (24): I've only seen the first four and a half seasons of 24, but that's more than enough to know that I'm dealing with one cold blooded kicker of butts here. We're talking about a guy who will calmly feed you your brains after you literally torture him to death (Death can't stop Jack). His only concern is the safety of the USA and if you get in the way of that, prepare to be reduced to a bloodstain on the bottom of his patriotic boot. All I know is every January when you turn it on Fox and you see the commercials saying "Jack is Back", it's clear that some unsuspecting terrorist sap will be no more than a rotting carcass by June. The only weakness that he seems to have is his perplexing loyalty to that annoying, spoiled rotten ungrateful daughter of his, Kim.

I will eat your eyeballs and crap them down your throat to stop a terrorist.

4 comments:

  1. good list, a little surprised not to see indy or batman tho, this be johnny

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, I know. I tried to keep it a little balanced, though. Especially with the comic book dudes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So when are you gonna do the villians list lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. When I get off my lazy butt. Been a while since I've updated...

    ReplyDelete